Are You Ready For Love?

Are You Ready For Love? 

 Anyone can fall in love, whether you were looking for it or it just happened it is not something the average person can control. But what does it mean to be ready for love?

 Think back to your first love...that person who made you feel a way you couldn't explain. Sweaty palms, irregular heartbeat and nauseous butterflies whenever they looked at you. How do you feel about that person now?

 Congratulations if you're lucky enough to still be madly deeply in love with that person (if reciprocated- worryingly sad if unrequited!) but for most it is not the case. Most people cringe when they think of their first "love" or question whether what they felt was even love at all!

 Now years older, experienced with the pain of heartache and heartbreak we find ourselves at a point where despite the damage that's been done to our hearts over the years we still long to love and be loved but this time with a guarded heart. The only person who can break your guarded heart has to be willing to run across a minefield, climb over the highest brick wall topped with barbed wire, swim through shark infested waters to search for the key to open the locked and bolted safe that contains your precious and tender heart. So what happens when they get there? Does the marathon effort automatically make them worthy of your love?

 …AS IF IT'S THAT EASY!!!

 Kudos for the effort and all but if you're not ready to love or that person is not ready to be loved all the effort is potentially wasted!

Scenario time:

1) Person A meets Person B at a bar. There was no intention of going out to meet someone but it just happened that they met and liked the vibe of each other. They arrange to meet up again and again and after a length of time they "fall in love". If neither or one of them are ready for love what happens next?

2) Person C has been single for a while, maybe they thought their ex was the one but it didn’t work out. They feel a bit lonely, maybe finished education; have a job, maybe savings, maybe their own place or intention of getting one. Everything is in place all they're missing is their other half. This person is ready for love. They acknowledge that they need/want someone to share their world; they are not going to hang about if they meet somebody deemed worthy of their love. Once that person makes the journey to retrieve the key and unlocks their heart it’s a wrap! They already know what's next...God willing- marriage, house and kids!

Person A and B had love thrust upon them, it "just happened" they "fell” in love and now they don't know what to do in it. By the time they figure it out, Person C and Person D are probably married already living that happily ever after life because they knew what they wanted! If you are like Person C you need to find your Person D cos if you end up with a Person A/B you may end up mighty frustrated asking yourself (and that person)...where is this going?

Wedding Night- Short Story

Wedding Night

He used to think that I couldn’t possibly get any more beautiful. That was until He saw me on our wedding day. I must admit I looked immaculate as I walked down the aisle towards my childhood sweetheart. Lord knows I’m far from a virgin but still I wore the whitest Vivienne Westwood dress I could find! When I reached the altar I could feel Him undressing me with His eyes as I recited my vows before the Priest and a congregation of family and friends. My new husband kissed me hungrily as spectators cheered and cried tears of joy.

By the wedding reception I was roasting. He asked me how it felt to be Mrs Marshall. I beamed and replied “unbelievable”. He smiled back and kissed me on the cheek. The contact made my wedding night panties moist. I knew He was thinking what I was thinking when I glanced down and saw the bulge in His tuxedo trousers. He caught me staring and biting my lip anxiously. We had to sneak away from the congratulators and well-wishers and in to the room my maid of honour had cleared for me to change dresses in. As soon as the coast was clear we locked the room and indulged in guilty pleasures the way that only married women should-straight freaky!

Almost an hour had passed before there was a knock on the door. My heart was in my throat when I heard Mr Marshall’s voice but sunk back in to my chest when my wonderful maid of honour told him that I must have been changing dresses and should be out in a few minutes. He gave me an ultimatum before leaving the room through a connecting door. I emerged 5 minutes later in a traditional lace outfit complete with head tie so I didn’t have to worry about fixing my messy hair. My husband and I took our place at the head of the table in time for the speeches. The seat to the right of my husband was empty as my father finished raising a toast to our happiness.

My mind drifted to the wedding night, we had booked our honeymoon due to depart that night. 2 weeks in Hawaii was exactly what I needed, I only wish it was longer! I didn’t know what we would do after those 2 weeks were up. The room filled with murmuring when no-one could find my husband’s right hand man. My husband joked that he was probably somewhere screwing a bridesmaid, and everyone chuckled but the thought of it made me gag!

We skipped the best man speech and hit the dance floor. The festivities went on for another hour before people started saying their goodbyes. The flight was due to depart in a couple of hours. My mind drifted again to Hawaii and how happy I would be sipping cocktails on the beach with the love of my life. While I changed dress for the second time I knew He would be waiting for me outside in a hired car. I left through the connecting door and joined Him in the blacked out Bentley. The thought of ever breaking my husband’s heart always deterred me but in less than an hour I would be boarding a plane with the best lover, best friend, best I ever had. My husband Mr Marshall’s... best man!

Bye Bye Bad Boy?

It has often been said that good girls like bad boys and unfortunately for the majority it is true. Whether girls actively seek out bad boys over good boys is questionable but somehow most girls have stories of a "wasteman ex". The wasteman is not to be confused with the bad boy (we'll deal with wastemen separately). But the wasteman can bear some similar characteristics to the bad boy i.e. a reputation on the streets, a dishonest source of income, a tendency to cheat and an aversion to the law. These are not qualities any female will openly say she looks for in a man, however she may have been with one or many who fit at least one of that criteria. So what is it that attracts good girls to bad boys? Well it is known that females require security in relationships. Observation shows the "bad boy" phenomenon is most prominent amongst younger girls. Girls who might be in school or college or perhaps uni and living at home with parents have all the obvious security they need: a roof over their head, income from the bank of mum and dad and education pathing the way to the future. What bad boys offer these girls is the security of knowing your man is "bad" and not a "pussy", therefore if anyone troubles you on the bus on the way home, you can call your man to "lick off headtops". If your parents piss you off your man will come swoop you in his stolen whip or the vehicle he has acquired without a license or insurance. If you want new garms but your parents are being stingy, your bad boy boyfriend will spoil you with his hard earned drug or AC money. A 15-18 year old doesn't tend to think beyond that and obviously fails to see the bigger picture. A lady of a certain age however, has a different interpretation of security. She is more likely to be thinking of the long term future and sensibly would not want a man who is a liability. She might be thinking of a life partner and a father to her children so consequently will not want to entertain a man who will bring trouble to her door. She will be looking for a "keeper" who perhaps: values education; has a clean criminal record, is family orientated, law abiding, ambitious, avoids trouble etc. Some girls find the nice guy boring but what's so good about bad boys?

What girls like about bad boys:

• Swagger. There's something quite sexy about the way he walks, the way he talks, the way he dresses, his overall attitude just oozes sexiness! Think T.I, Lil Wayne, DMX, 50 cent etc...
  
• Excitement! There's nothing quite like thug-loving. You'll never be bored!( I'm sure the calls and letters from prison keep the pulse racing and the constant watching your backs in case the rival gang catches you slipping is such a high!)*rolls eyes*
  
• The prospect of change. They will deny it but every girl tries to change a man in some way shape or form. Bad boys are the biggest challenge of all! Sort of like a project, you meet them a bit ruff around the edges, try and work on him and either take pride when he becomes a better man or end up wasting your time! (Some people will never change and if they do, it should be for themselves not for you!)
  
• Some girls just like complaining and when you're with a bad boy you have an abundance of things to complain about! (Fun times! lol)
  

It is tiresome and something most girls grow out of at some point. Don't listen to Alexandra Burke! If you know they're no good for you why take the risk just for chemistry? It's not worth it in the long run.

Ladies:

• If you've been with a bad boy when you were younger, look back at him and answer honestly. If you just met him now would you be with him? Would he make a good husband/father?
  
• If you are currently with a bad boy, do you think you can change him? If you're not trying to change him, do you think he is a life partner? Will he be a good influence on your children? Is he truly all you deserve?
  

Guys:

• If you are a bad boy, fix up! You are losing your appeal; you're going out of fashion like canerows!
  
• If you're a good guy, don't lose faith! The girls on a bad boy hype don't deserve you! Hopefully any girl with sense will realise you are the way forward, and from what I've seen bad boys are the past, good guys are the future.
  

So maybe nice guys don't always finish last ;-)

Black Women Are In Trouble!!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk57k1MGEzs



After watching this video the plight of black women has become undeniably clear. Most of us SBF's (Single Black Females) will stay that way. Definitely not out of choice, its just unfortunate that the odds are against us. Most of us have that dream of finding the perfect man, falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after but it may never happen. Why? Well firstly according to the video our standards are too high. Well what's wrong with wanting a man of quality? If I'm a successful black woman, do I not deserve a successful black man? I know a lot of women set the bar way high: He's gotta be 6ft, dark skinned, good job, nice car, own house, smart, funny etc.... PERFECT! Well are you perfect? So why do you expect him to be?

The next reason the video gave was that the "pickings" were too slim. That is a definite problem considering that black women already outnumber black men and out of the few black men left there are even fewer eligible bachelors. There is a disproportionate number of black men in prison and statistics show that there are more black men in prison than in University. Now if you take away the number of black men already married, the minority that are homosexual, the number who aren't attracted to black women, the amount without jobs or cars let alone their own houses, what are you left with??? Something like 80% of black women trying to find "the one" amongst 20% of black men. With odds like these no wonder there's women trying to steal other people's man and men juggling 5 different women! (not that i condone this behavior)

Act like a lady, think like a man, a book written by Steve Harvey tries to help women understand men in the hope that it will empower them in their future relationships. It is also a good piece of advice in the sense that men try to be successful most of their lives whether its getting a good education or good job to make money and consequently attract good females. A lot of women just try to be pretty and hope that its enough. In the short term maybe (very short like literally one night!) but if you want a good man for the long run, to better your chances you have to be a good woman. As mentioned earlier, women have many requirements of men. The quintessential man's woman is everything she wants her man to be. If you don't have a good job, you don't drive or have your own house, who are you to demand that he does? Get your act together first then you will attract the kind of man you deserve!

The "back pocket girl" ( the one he keeps there til he's ready to settle down, he checks on you every once in a while to make sure you're still single) Yes a lot of us have been or still are that girl! He knows you're a keeper but he's just not ready for that level of commitment yet so he has his fun while you sit in the back pocket and wait.

The ideal situation as mentioned in the video is: married at 25, kids by 27. Well if you're 20 and still dating "wastemen" that may never happen...check yourself!

It's OK to have high standards and you shouldn't settle for the sake of finding somebody but like the video illustrates, when you're the quintessential woman, 30 and still single maybe its not a necessity for him to be 6'5, maybe he doesn't have to be a particular skin tone, maybe its not so important that he drives a BMW. What is important is that he's a good man, he will do right by you and he will make you happy.

If you have a good man, maybe now you will realise how truly lucky you are! But if you are still a single lady, stop listening to Beyonce (she's got a man!), don't be a victim of the "Black girl curse", the odds are already against you.

Miss Hardy. x