http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xk57k1MGEzs
After watching this video the plight of black women has become undeniably clear. Most of us SBF's (Single Black Females) will stay that way. Definitely not out of choice, its just unfortunate that the odds are against us. Most of us have that dream of finding the perfect man, falling in love, getting married and living happily ever after but it may never happen. Why? Well firstly according to the video our standards are too high. Well what's wrong with wanting a man of quality? If I'm a successful black woman, do I not deserve a successful black man? I know a lot of women set the bar way high: He's gotta be 6ft, dark skinned, good job, nice car, own house, smart, funny etc.... PERFECT! Well are you perfect? So why do you expect him to be?
The next reason the video gave was that the "pickings" were too slim. That is a definite problem considering that black women already outnumber black men and out of the few black men left there are even fewer eligible bachelors. There is a disproportionate number of black men in prison and statistics show that there are more black men in prison than in University. Now if you take away the number of black men already married, the minority that are homosexual, the number who aren't attracted to black women, the amount without jobs or cars let alone their own houses, what are you left with??? Something like 80% of black women trying to find "the one" amongst 20% of black men. With odds like these no wonder there's women trying to steal other people's man and men juggling 5 different women! (not that i condone this behavior)
Act like a lady, think like a man, a book written by Steve Harvey tries to help women understand men in the hope that it will empower them in their future relationships. It is also a good piece of advice in the sense that men try to be successful most of their lives whether its getting a good education or good job to make money and consequently attract good females. A lot of women just try to be pretty and hope that its enough. In the short term maybe (very short like literally one night!) but if you want a good man for the long run, to better your chances you have to be a good woman. As mentioned earlier, women have many requirements of men. The quintessential man's woman is everything she wants her man to be. If you don't have a good job, you don't drive or have your own house, who are you to demand that he does? Get your act together first then you will attract the kind of man you deserve!
The "back pocket girl" ( the one he keeps there til he's ready to settle down, he checks on you every once in a while to make sure you're still single) Yes a lot of us have been or still are that girl! He knows you're a keeper but he's just not ready for that level of commitment yet so he has his fun while you sit in the back pocket and wait.
The ideal situation as mentioned in the video is: married at 25, kids by 27. Well if you're 20 and still dating "wastemen" that may never happen...check yourself!
It's OK to have high standards and you shouldn't settle for the sake of finding somebody but like the video illustrates, when you're the quintessential woman, 30 and still single maybe its not a necessity for him to be 6'5, maybe he doesn't have to be a particular skin tone, maybe its not so important that he drives a BMW. What is important is that he's a good man, he will do right by you and he will make you happy.
If you have a good man, maybe now you will realise how truly lucky you are! But if you are still a single lady, stop listening to Beyonce (she's got a man!), don't be a victim of the "Black girl curse", the odds are already against you.
Miss Hardy. x
